Pikachu of Wall Street (Prequel to Pikachu Plays the Stock Market!)
by BongAndSchoolgirl
Summary: Not everyone is meant for big business. Then again, not everyone is Pikachu.


The Pikachu of Wall Street

By Bong & Schoolgirl Studly

channel/UCjh4_Ocbv0FtP7vQST9n_5A

This story is sponsored by Bong Studly's new ep, the "fml ep lol", which can be found here: /iuy5PVnzmpM

Pikachu was completely fascinated. A pokemon who didn't normally enjoy tobacco, even fine Cuban cigars, right now, each puff he was taking from his Montecristo tasted more and more delicious. Maybe it was the fact it was a beautiful night, with a full moon yet without a cloud in the sky. Maybe it was the fact the weather and breeze were perfectly delightful. Or maybe it was the fact he had just had an orgy with both Barack Obama's daughters and George W. Bush's daughters at the same time; Pikachu couldn't put his finger on why the cigar tasted so damn good today. Maybe it was just the feeling he had from being filthy rich.

Being a sexual deviant paid off in spades for Pikachu his entire life. As a child, he was able to get out of the small town and get noticed in Tokyo, where he landed a plum job at Nintento Studios. Once apart of the Pokemon franchise, he slept his way to the top, securing for himself more merchandising deals than any other Pokemon. The money rolled in for Pikachu, but he wasn't a daft twat with it. No, quite the contrary. He made his money work for him, investing in a number of diverse stocks that doubled the size of his bank account more times than he could remember.

But that wasn't enough for the small furry yellow thing. Nay, he needed more in life. While some of us mortals are content with the joys a family and career can bring, some men lust for power the way Americans lust for cheeseburgers; uncontrollably. At first, he just orchestrated the occasional hostile takeover of a small business. Nothing too elaborate; a little blackmail here, a little intimidation there, sprinkle it off with extortion and assault and Pikachu had himself feeling like a true Italian gangster, minus the marinara sauce stains on his shirt or diminished intelligence from being a dirty Wop.

Soon, influenced by gangsta rap and the likes of Snoop Dogg, Ice-T, 21 Savage and Steve Harvey, Pikachu began investing in the urban community. There he recruited small children, ages 3 to 12, to join his gang, whose color was yellow, obviously. With his massive wealth, Pikachu was able to outfit these hellish youngsters with high end weaponry and body armor, which allowed them to easily take over the hood. It was Children of the Corn, but this time in inner cities all over America, as adults were ran out of neighborhoods, and what were once friendly, law abiding communities became havens for prostitution, drug addiction and pedophilia.

By having his own army or underage soldiers, Pikachu was able to begin taking over more and more businesses. The extra foot soldiers kept his time free, so he was more able to focus on what he needed to focus on; public appearances and expanding his brand. For the next few years, Pikachu was a very public figure, and invested in young entrepreneurship all over the globe to help launder the illegal earnings from his gangs, as well as elevate and reward its members for years of service and not being a no good snitch. Sales for Pikachu related merchandise such as toys, shirts, butt plugs and gummy snacks soared, hitting all time highs, and outselling all the other Pokemon's merchandising combined.

Yes, Pikachu was on top of the world as he smoked that cigar, the Bush girls and the Obama girls passed out in the bed inside, their limbs tangled. He hoped things would always be this good as he fielded a call on his cell phone from Apu, one of his child soldiers in India. "Apu, my main man, what's happening my dude?"

Apu spoke in a comical Indian accent, much like The Simpsons character. "Oh Mr. Pikachu, I have very bad news for you sir."

"Out with it boy!"

"ISIS is threatening our stronghold of iron ingot we plan on selling to the Qatar. We need back up, but there are no allies in the region. This war machine will not stop!"

Pikachu heard a bullet go into Apu's throat, and listened with rage as the kid suffocated slowly, scared and alone. With all his might, he shot into the sky, and shooting lightning out of his butt rocketed himself to where the fighting was happening. With one angry lightning bolt after another, the ISIS soldiers fried and died.

Having won the battle, Pikachu was not satisfied, as was his nature. He waged war with ISIS, until he killed every single Islamic extremist on the planet, regardless of their affiliation with the aforementioned terror group. Pikachu made the world safe for Muslims to practice their belief without being fearful of reprisals from angry westerner's, but there was one catch. Without Islamic extremism to push forward global warfare, the economy began to sink slowly, and anyone who made their living from it was in for a rude awakening.


End file.
